- 20 -
Nightmares
part 1
In the Shadow's timeline Vegeta trained of course, but he never pushed himself to the point that this happened. While it was excited and amused by all that had happened -still unbelieving that the prince actually kissed Bulma -it was afraid of what else might happen. A Saiyan with a fever was a very bad thing. Very, very bad. It rarely happened, but when it did everyone but those belonging to their pack were in danger... the exception of course being those who were stronger than the sick Saiyan, which was the case for Bardock.
It shook its head and stopped, looking to the side to find some of the enclosures inhabitants watching from hiding places. They wanted to greet it and check it out, curious, but not enough to override the instinctual fear the Shadow gave them. In fact it was a little surprised that they were even this close. It crouched down, arm propped on its knee as it spoke to them, "You all recognize me in part, is that it?" It smiled; humans thought of animals as mechanical beasts... but it was truly amazing that they saw so much more most times. "Come here, I won't hurt any of you."
Hearing its voice, recognizing it, some were given enough courage to come forward. The one beast that caught the Shadow's attention the most was a small cream colored tabby. It chuckled. "Seems in any timeline you are always the brave one, huh Pumpkin?" The cat sat before him and stared up at him, bright yellow-orange eyes glinting. The Shadow held out its hand for him to smell and after a few seconds the cream tabby happily greeted it, deeming it was okay. Absentmindedly it petted the cat, worried thoughts returning.
Even as it squatted there, petting his small furry friend from another time, the fever's presence made itself painfully known. It was for this reason it wasn't near the house. Just then any Saiyan, or in Gohan's case someone with Saiyan blood and able to form a mental link, was unable to stop the wave of horrible nightmares coming from the Saiyan prince. If the Shadow got too close those old memories, twisted even further by the fever, would be forced into its head, and honestly, it had enough horrors of its own to handle without the addition of the prince's from this timeline digging up long forgotten memories a different Vegeta had shared with it in a last desperate act. In a way it was strange, having all these memories and yet it still couldn't understand the guy completely sometimes.
The Shadow was tugged from its thoughts momentarily when Pumpkin tackled its hand and lay belly up, boxing its arm with his hind feet as he held tightly with his front paws. It smiled again, uncaring of the scratches. "You little shit, seems like someone hasn't paid you a visit in a while..."
It sighed as it toyed with the cat, rubbing its chest and making him go into a tizzy. No, while the Shadow could get away with distance there were three unfortunate souls who couldn't do that sleeping. At least Bardock has seen most of the memories and night terrors before, had lived some of them with Vegeta. He also knew the ways of the universe. Goku was not so lucky and it was going to be a horrible realization when he woke up and grasped that everything he had seen was not a dream, but truth. Then there was poor, innocent Gohan whose only monsters were those that lay under his bed and in his closet at night. Who knew what seeing all those things would do to him... Goku would learn to handle everything in time, but some serious damage could be done to the boy, and that was something the Shadow would not allow to happen.
.~-~.
...It shouldn't be. But it was.
Why am I freezing like this?
...I've seen horrors most could not even begin to survive.
...And this is so mundane.
...I should not be freezing like this. Yet he was.
The questions filtered on and on, repeating the same rhythm that was similar to Bardock, and yet... He had difficulty placing just why. And it wasn't like his surroundings would give him much of a clue, you know, with everything being black and all. Frozen. Cold. It was more than just black, more like an ebony abyss lay just a foot radius away from him. If he but took a step, if that, he would go tumbling in, forever lost in this chilling darkness that swallowed all light and he would float there endlessly in a sea of nothingness. It scared him. Hell, even Freeza might go crawling under his covers if he had dreamt this. Unfortunately in this case it was Bardock, not the tyrant that got visions. It was rare when a dream shook him this much, but when they did... He would give anything to get rid of them. No matter what the cost or whatever good they may have brought.
How come she's staring up at me?
...I know she is. Even without looking, he knew she was.
She's staring up at me with those opaque eyes...
...Like I'm the one to blame. He was. Oh how he was.
That voice. Bardock knew that voice. It was rough and callous and... was that fear he heard? That had to be the reason he had not recognized the boy's inner voice at first. It was almost like that chanting he heard countless times before and yet it wasn't. The chanting he was used to hearing from Vegeta was there, but the simple rhythmic drum of self-loathing and hatred was lost in the chorus of fear, guilt, and most importantly confusion and sadness. If anything, the boy's inner voice sounded anything but uncaring and merciless.
Pitiful...
Pathetic...
Weak...
Perhaps he was, but she had shown trust in him.
Useless...
Disgraceful...
We-
But she helped me...
She risked herself to calm him down.
Pitiful...
Patheti-
She didn't see him as the monster as everyone else did.
She believed in him...
It felt so strange... to be believed in.
Vegeta felt so numb as all thoughts stopped, the dream that never seemed far from his mind the past week or so came surging back making Bardock gasp in his sleep, still not waking as he tossed and turned, seeing the bloody image of someone hanging from a ceiling. The vision skipped... or perhaps Vegeta's thoughts had, Bardock wasn't sure nor did it matter as he looked down at the same crimson mess in his arms. It felt like it really was him there and yet he knew he wasn't. Violet eyes glowed and yet they were so...
Cold...
Lifeless...
Just like-
"A sweater?" ChiChi's voice abruptly rang out through the vision, startling Vegeta's own thoughts (and through him Bardock) and she continued on anxiously, "No, no... that's not right. It's August, she'll overheat..."
The void Bardock feared he would fall into and never return from disappeared like the snap of a rubber band and he found himself yanked into a blurry room where only Vegeta and ChiChi's faces were clear. After looking around, he made his best logical guess that they were in Bulma's room. He had never seen inside her room before, but who else would inspire such thoughts and feeling from his prince? It was also oddly familiar... Then he realized he had had this vision before, only now it was different. Immensely different. What could have possibly changed in these past few days that would cause this much of a difference?
"This will do..." His son's wife came from a smaller room, something white in her hands. She did a double take when she saw Vegeta and her face softened. "Vegeta... you know she will be okay..."
His prince notably stiffened then, recalling where he was and snarled at her, "I don't give a damn about any of this, especially her, Harpy, and if you expect me to help y-"
"Hello, is anyone here?" someone called out from the living room.
ChiChi's eyes widened and she looked to the barely ajar door. "Oh no... I'll a... go deal with that, can you h-"
"No!" Vegeta growled out as he walked over to the bed and instead of just dumping her onto it like in the other vision, set her down gently, still refusing to look at the woman he was carrying. "Take care of this by yourself."
With that said he turned and started to walk out; truthfully to ChiChi (and Bardock had to agree) it looked like he was fleeing the room. "Goku said t-"
Vegeta stopped, fists tightening, but he didn't turn around. Bardock could feel the rage coming from him and was surprised by how calm he appeared to be. "I am his prince. I will not take orders from the likes of him."
His tone made her shiver and smartly decided to keep her mouth shut, recalling that threat from before. And when he walked out, slamming the door shut behind him, ChiChi let loose the breath she had been holding. She remained standing there looking at the white painted wood, perplexed by how he had acted. The normally abrasive and grumpy Saiyan wasn't one to reveal anything about what he was thinking and for her to pick up on his unease and fear was... substantial. Then the realization hit her, Vegeta had been scared to look at Bulma. Scared at what he would see. She turned and looked to the bed, looked to her new friend...
Bardock was frustrated given that everything was still blurry. All he saw was the shape of the bed and a lump that was obviously Bulma who rested on top. And even now he got nothing from her. No thoughts. No emotions. But then these visions had always been like that. Only giving him pieces to a bigger complex puzzle. The only time it had been easy had been when he saw his own death at the hands of Freeza and the destruction of Planet Vegeta that followed. Look were that got him, he only managed to change one outcome...
Sighing softly, ChiChi walked over to the bed and grabbed the white outfit Bardock had seen her get. She rubbed it between her fingers, tears filling her eyes. "I think I see what you mean, Bulma... but that one is going to take a lot of work..." With a shake of her head, she smiled to herself and wiped the tears from her face. "What am I doing, there's stuff to do!"
Bardock woke then, roughly kicked from the vision. He stared at the off-white colored ceiling as the morning sun streaked across it, elegant chestnut wood bordering the sides. If one really looked as he did they would see the thin circular patterns of the brush the painters made. How many hours must that have taken? How much money... He knew he was distracting himself. Not wanting to think about what the change in the vision meant, but he really didn't care right then. He didn't want to think about anything. Simply let his mind remain calm and at peace after the night of hell. After being trapped in Vegeta's night terrors for the first time in five years (he had forgotten just how bad they could be), followed by his own horrible visions and then that last one... For more than twenty years he had to live every night with them and if he was lucky they made half a sense and even rarer were the times any good came from them. He just wanted one night of actual rest, free from all these visions. Was that too much to ask?
Slowly sitting up, he rubbed his hand down his face as he leaned against the headboard. The soft sheets bunched around his bare torso as he tilted his head back until it hit the wall and he was once again looking up. The boy's night terrors were worrying. Never in all the time spent with his prince, watching over him and being his guardian, had they been so bad. The pain. It was like Bardock had been Vegeta. Sure, he had had visions of those times, but in a vision he only got hints of it. Most of the pain he felt was his own anguish as he watched it all happen. It certainly was different being in his place... recalling every hit... every snap... every slice. It made him ill just thinking about it. And the guilt he felt only weighed further down on his shoulders. It was little wonder that his back didn't simply break from all of it.
There was also the concern with how overpowering it was. Bardock's natural mental blocks would generally keep out most of it, barely getting a few slivers... but these were whole interrupted accounts only twisted by his own dream state. Goku and even little Gohan would be defenseless to stop it. That thought alone almost made him bolt from the bed and go to check on them, but the rational part kept him there. Vegeta had long been up or in a state of sleep where he was forcing himself not to dream or keep it from... basically screaming out mentally. Whatever damage had been done was done. There was nothing he could do other than bring it up and that would be a very hard subject to breach. 'Oh, you know those dreams you had about being tortured horribly last night... well that really happened and that person was Vegeta.' Bardock simply didn't see that going over too well. The boy more often than not didn't even realize what he was doing. The last thing they needed was for him to get embarrassed and his pride wounded... they thought Vegeta was bad now, but Bardock knew he was so much worse on the rebound.
Bardock frowned, brow creasing as his thoughts shifted to the last vision. Why has that vision changed so much? I don't know of anything that has happened that would shift things so drastically... Which made him once again think more had been transpiring under his nose. Honestly, what more evidence did he need other than the fact that one of the cameras -the one that just so happened to show Bulma and Vegeta- had been down when everything happened? Then there was the lack of footage overall... The doctor had warned him that his daughter might catch on, but he didn't think of it until now. What else had happened between them that he didn't know of?
And what was with that woman? The one he saw only for a second, covered in blood and glowing violet eyes. It had been so startling and the emotion it generated in his prince was... really something else. But it was more than that. Something about those violet eyes... He had had a few visions about them. Never had he seen the face, nor known the gender, but this person was important. That much he did know. To finally have more than only those glowing eyes was exciting, another piece to one of the many puzzles he was working on. But why did it come from Vegeta? It wasn't like he had visions. Did that mean he knew this person from before? Why had he not mentioned her? Up till now the only person he ever thought might generate such emotions would be Bulma, but was there someone else? Could she be a Saiyan? He snorted at himself. A Saiyan with purple eyes, how ridiculous... I'm grasping now. There was no denying that it was only wishful thinking. If Bulma or this other woman had been a Saiyan then all his concerns and fears would evaporate into nothing.
Sighing he went to get up, having spent enough time thinking. It was about time he started his day and started making up for all the training he missed giving his son yesterday. And frankly, Goku was going to have a terrible wakeup call because Bardock's kid gloves were coming off -okay, maybe not a hundred percent, but he still was going to be in a world of hurt by the end of this morning's session.
.~-~.
When he got to the main floor, he stood there unnoticed at first and silently observed. Mrs. Briefs and ChiChi were cooking breakfast as usual, but the younger woman hardly uttered a word. No, the only one talking was the elder Briefs woman and even she was subdued. Her daughter would comment every-so-often from where she sat at the table with Gohan looking at something for work while helping him whenever he needed it, but other than that she didn't appear like her normally giddy self either. From his position at the foot of the stairs he could also see the anxious twitch of his grandson's tail, clearly also noticing the difference and uneasy about it.
Bardock decided then to not add to the tension and do his best (no matter how un-Saiyan like it was) to at least lighten the heavy mood a bit. "Good day-break, feminas and Gohan. I hope the bright-star found you well."
Bulma looked up at his voice, amusement crossing her features as she glanced to her mother and ChiChi who had stopped what they were doing to look at him, somewhat confused by what he said. "Good morning, Bardock. And I do believe the sun found me better than others..."
The legs of the chair made a dragging noise as he pulled it out and sat down on the other side of Gohan. He was peeking at the pages of equations he was working on when Mrs. Briefs giggled, "Oh, I always did love learning of how other cultures said things. Remember that one country we visited, Bulma, that would greet us in the morning by saying goodbye to night and then at night say goodbye to morning?"
Scribbling something down on her work papers, she nodded. "I've noticed Vegeta having a few... quirks..."
"Don't forget the six, Gohan," Bardock muttered to the little boy, amazed by how far he had progressed in the few days Bulma had been working with him. "That was the common galactic way; with so many cultures it gets confusing sometimes and you could accidently insult someone if not careful. It's been in place for... far longer than I can tell you." He crossed his arms as he sat back and was cautious not to show his hesitation when he asked, "Where are my bothersome cubs at? Hopefully not causing more strife?"
Bulma smiled, meeting his eyes briefly. "No, no more strife. Your son woke up surprisingly early and went for a walk, if I had to guess he's probably found his way to the nature dome... Vegeta woke up also rather early, not too long after and went out back. He is probably sitting under the same tree he was yesterday and the day before."
Mrs. Briefs added to it cheerfully, "I think he likes that old maple tree. When Bulma was little she refused to let us remove it and spent many hours climbing it... oh how she returned so many times with scrapes and broken bones..."
The older woman continued to chatter about the whole history of said tree and some of the other stories of Bulma getting hurt. Bulma rolled her eyes and promptly ignored her mother, working on her plan for the new board once again. It came to her when she was working on the scouter. Instead of making the board a separate entity from the science and research part of the company (which was a really big part), she would simply have the heads of each different sector become a member. The two that remained from the old board would simply become the heads of what didn't really fall under a sector and help manage it. She would still have to hire a few more just to inspire more ideas and work out some other kinks, but it was a plan... one she could most certainly work with.
She sighed, sitting back and rubbing the back of her neck. For once she was glad to be going to work. The tension between ChiChi and Goku was horrible. And knowing she was, in part, the cause of it made everything so much worse. Her mother told her to stay out of it, but Bulma wasn't like that. Even against her own better judgment she inserted herself into conflicts that would have probably been better off without her input... Yet then there it was, probably. What if she didn't help and that little push she would have given would have made all the difference? In a way it was conceited... Okay it was really conceited to think that every little issue would be better just because she was there to do something, but it was her and she wasn't about to change anytime soon. So now on top of getting a new board set up, starting to gear up for the expo and the countless other things she had to do, Bulma had to figure out a way to ease the misgivings between her friend and his wife. It was her duty as his best friend and sister, was it not?
ChiChi listened to Bunny only to distract herself. She never really liked being depressed or sulking... with her mother dying when she was young she had learned it didn't help her any, but sometimes it was really hard not to merely give into the little voice in her head. That one that told her everything was horrible, that nothing would turn out 'happily-ever-after' like those stories her mother would tell her as a little girl. Oh how naive she had been as a child! To make matters worse, Goku had given her exactly what she wanted last night... the insight to who he was...
She sat on the edge of the bed, face in her hands crying. Mrs. Briefs remained at her side rubbing her back, for once not talking away like she always was about nothing of real importance. ChiChi might have been amazed if it didn't feel like her heart was shattering into a thousand -no, million itty-bitty little pieces that fell into the swirling black hole that took her heart's place. Over and over in her mind that little voice told her that Goku had never been the man she loved; that her whole marriage to him was a sham. Of course she knew otherwise. She knew it couldn't all be false, no one could act so cheerful all the time if they weren't themselves partly cheerful; nor would he be able to do it so well if he didn't have the slightest clue how to feel like it. But then that damn little voice would come back and repeat the same stuff again and again; it would bring other dreadful horrible thoughts and images and beat down any sense of logic until she worked herself into a good frenzy.
"You know, ChiChi." The older woman played with the back of her hair gently, affectionately. Motherly. "I believe he does love you an-"
"You don't know that. No one really knows that!" she bawled loudly, her voice echoing in the room. "He hasn't been himself around anyone. He doesn't talk to anyone. He could have been pretending this whole time."
"Shh, it's okay, dear," Bunny interrupted smoothly, "Just take a few deep breaths for me, okay?" ChiChi did as the older woman asked as she hiccupped on her tears. She wasn't close to being calm, but she was at least not being hysterical anymore... that was something Bunny could work with. "So you really think he's faking everything... He must feel something for you?" Seeing that the younger woman was about to argue she quickly added, "Let me offer this... I know he does in part because I can see it in that boy's eyes when he watches you when he thinks no one is looking. You forget but I did live with him for almost five years. He may not have been as open around me as he was with my daughter, but I learned how to read him too. He is-"
ChiChi wiped her cheeks, eyes red and puffy, tears leaving streaks down her face. She sniffled as she rubbed her eyes. "He watches me?"
The older woman smiled somewhat as she caressed the hair at the side of ChiChi's face before tucking it behind her ear and laying her hand on her shoulder. "He does very much watch you... Can you tell me that in all the five years that you two have been married that he hasn't expressed his love?"
The younger woman hesitated, thinking, really thinking back. The silence stretched on and she toyed with her nails as she looked down at her hands. "The only time he has said it was back at the tournament..." She couldn't help the bitter smile that came to her lips as she quoted what he told her, "Sometimes my brain doesn't know what my mouth is saying, good thing my heart does." Snorting, she shook her head."I guess he really didn't say I love you..."
"So you don't think that's him saying he loves you?"
"..." ChiChi didn't know what to say... What was the older woman trying to get at? She shifted uneasy with the hush.
Mrs. Briefs chuckled softly as she patted her arm, "It sounds to me like you believe he can't say, 'I love you' in any other way. What if I said that he knew of no other way to say how he felt?"
The raven-haired woman bit the inside of her cheek, gently grinding it as she tried to figure out the answer the older woman wanted. She shrugged. "I guess..."
Bunny smiled slightly, deciding to be easy on the younger woman knowing she wasn't used to her methods. "You guess... Well knowing Goku, to me that sounded not just I love you, but a full out declaration. The boy who left my house more often than not remained silent when he didn't know what to say... And I imagine other than the friends he ran around with he hasn't had a lot of contact with people. Probably saw them briefly passing by, acted friendly to be non-threatening and left... He jokes but I think there is more meaning in his words then he lets on for nothing that boy says is an accident." She paused, letting her little insight sink in... Truly sink in before continuing, "That can't be the only time he has shown his love, ChiChi... What about Gohan? Are you saying love did not make that wonderful, beautiful child of yours?"
"I..." Mrs. Briefs did have a point there.
She had felt loved all those times she had been with Goku, it couldn't all be a... It was a lie! All of it! the little voice whispered, hissing in her ear, He was using you! He just wanted Gohan! She shook her head, knowing that couldn't be true, but that little voice didn't care. It continued to tear down everything she built with Goku. Tears welled up again in her eyes, threatening to spill again. She didn't know what to believe any more. Did every intimate moment mean anything? Was every late morning start laying in bed just meaningless moments he had done only to keep the lie going? What of those walks through the woods late at night?
"I don't know!" she cried suddenly covering her face, raven hair hanging down around her.
The older woman sighed, "Shhh, ChiChi... Everything is okay, everything will be okay. Try to calm down."
She began to rub the younger woman's back again. She had thought her daughter was overly emotional... at least Bulma listened to reason and was quick to know what she was getting at. Bulma only got frustrated in the fact that she wanted Bunny to give her all the answers. Wanted her to be like other mothers... Sure it saddened her that she couldn't be like that for her little girl, but she simply couldn't turn off all those years of training and work.
After a few minutes of sobbing, ChiChi finally calmed again, concentrating on the soothing motion on her back instead of the little voice. She felt so drained. Emotionally. Mentally. Since seeing Goku with Bulma in her lab and how different he had been, it had felt like a crazy rollercoaster, the thoughts always there. Small whispers in her ear and in the back of her mind... It was like she had been climbing up this hill and was now falling over the other side, rolling, doing flips and flailing wildly during those moments in the air. She sniffled, rubbing her nose with her sleeve.
"Here..." Bunny moved so swiftly getting up, grabbing a box of tissue on the nightstand and returning, that it hardly felt like her hand had left her back as she held the box out to the younger woman with her other hand. "Now dear... can I offer something else?" Grabbing a tissue, ChiChi blew her nose before nodding. "The one thing you have to know -and being around Vegeta and Bardock has only strengthened this observation- Goku, most likely all Saiyans in general, show who they are through their actions. I know you... and I, have only just recently learned about it, but it is a huge thing that they are aliens and not human. You have to keep in mind that they do not think like us... Even raised among us, Goku is different and you shouldn't forget that." Moving her hand from the younger woman's back, Bunny grasped her arm. "Knowing this now let me ask again. Has there been any action... something you would brush off as little and insignificant, that shows that he loves you?"
ChiChi frowned, staring at the floor for a couple of minutes before she slowly shook her head. "I-I don't recall..." She looked to Mrs. Briefs as a random thought crossed her mind. "He always brings home fish and other game... but that is just his love for being outdoors and freedom from me."
"He brings you home food, food that all three of you eat and you think that means nothing?" she pushed a little, but when the woman remained silent, shifting uncomfortably due to this silence she added, "If he did not have feelings for you and care why would he bring it home in the first place? He could just as easily cook it with his ki or some other way and eat it right there... Could it be that he brought it home to support you and Gohan? That he is trying to provide for you when he has no other means to?"
She wrinkled her nose and huffed, "He only brings it home so that I can cook it better..."
"So you think he can't cook?" The older woman smiled, she found her way in... She knew she could get Chi Chi to reach her own conclusion with this if she worked it right. "What if I told you that, in spite of what you might think that boy does know how to cook? What room do you think he practically lived in the most when staying here?"
ChiChi rolled her eyes. "The kitchen."
"That's right... he was my little helper in the kitchen, always watching, always learning." She laughed lightly at an old memory the topic brought up. "One morning I was horribly sick and woke up late. I came down the stairs after hearing him and Bulma arguing about how to cook something all the way down the hall from my room. By the time I reached the staircase Bulma gotten so flustered... she finally told him that if he thought he knew it so well that he should do it..."
ChiChi's eyes were wide, never once thinking Goku would ever help to cook something... let alone do it himself. "What happened?"
Bunny beamed. "When I made it to the landing and past the half wall I found the kitchen a disaster area with Goku at the center making up the pastries just like he had watched me countless times before and Bulma watching with her mouth hanging open... After he had finished, I made my presence known and thanked them both for thinking of such a nice thing to do for me. But you know what, Goku quickly told me that Bulma was the one who made them and that he was just watching."
"Why would he do that?"
Mrs. Briefs shrugged. "Why do you think he would do that?"
The younger woman didn't have the slightest idea and shook her head. "I don't know."
Bunny sighed, "Honestly, I don't know exactly either, dear. Personally looking back I think it was because he didn't want to upset Bulma. Those were the best pastries I had had that I didn't make in a very long time and most likely he knew she would be embarrassed if someone besides the two of them knew he was a better cook than her."
A few more minutes of silence stretched between them as ChiChi stared at the plush red carpet, letting this new little story sink. Just the idea of Goku cooking something and having it be better than anyone else's was... astounding. She just couldn't picture it. Goku cooking! She looked back, carefully looking through the last five years. There was something there... proof.
"So he pretends that he doesn't know how to cook and that he's completely dependent on me because he knows I enjoy cooking for him?" she asked hesitant, not wanting to trust herself, the whispering voice making her not trust it.
With the story and looking back now she could really see it. It certainly would explain those rare times she accidently left something on the burner only to come back and find that it had been turned off at just the right time. Or those times when she was sick and couldn't cook for him. He never once complained that there was no food and sometimes he even brought stuff home for her from the small village down the mountain... Could that have been Goku actually cooking for her and not wanting her to be upset that she wasn't as important as she thought she was and covering it up with the village?
Bunny smiled, finally they were making progress. Just a few more self realizations and they would be good.."It would not surprise me, dear. He has always thought of others bef-"
There was a light tap at the door and ChiChi stiffened as his voice spoke from the other side, "Can I come in, ChiChi?" With the sudden interruption she lost hold of these thoughts and the little voice surged forward again, bringing back up all the hurt and pain.
Bunny gave her hand a squeeze (not showing how frustrated she was at the interruption), but the younger woman hardly felt it as the thoughts swirled around and around in her mind. She didn't even register the older woman going to the door and opening it for Goku and whispering something before leaving the two of them alone. So what if Goku brought home game! Would it hurt to just say the word once? Just say 'I love you'? And why did he always have to be so considerate of others? She just wanted her husband to be himself and to stop... basically lying to her. The thoughts continued circling in her head like vultures over a kill. Was all they had a lie? Did having Gohan mean anything to him? Did she? Had she ever? Or were they both some ruse to keep everyone believing in this person he pretended to be? Was the man she loved even real?
More and more of these thoughts piled on and snowballed in her mind until she was steaming mad about the whole ordeal. Unfortunately for him it was around the same time that he sat down next to her. He reached for her hand but she swiftly turned, crossing her arms and gave him her back.
"ChiChi..." his voice was void of any happy emotion, replaced with a concoction that hinted at his guilt, sadness and pain. She ignored it. "I... I don't really know what to say to you to make everything better."
The raven-haired woman gritted her teeth, her own voice seething with rage and pain. "I do not think there is anything you could possibly say to make things better."
He stood then looking down at her. "Please don't say that... I know you don't mean that."
"How would you know what I do or don't mean, Goku? You hardly spend any time with me... you are always outside running amok."
He looked away, grimacing. "I know many things... Like it was a mistake to interrupt Bunny, but I didn't know she was in here... I was afraid. Because I know that if you are alone by yourself your thoughts make everything so much worse..." She glanced over her shoulder as he started to pace, everything about him screaming how uncomfortable he was. "And I know your mother dying and leaving you when you were so young, not having that support... causes this... and you are scared I will leave you just like her... And t-that my times away make it worse." He growled lowly, upset with himself and everything around him. "But I can't help it, ChiChi! I'm so restless. I have all this energy... with no way to release it... I would help you around the house, but you like and take pride in it... it's not my place... so I go to find something I can do and regrettably that is always away from the house."
He went to the balcony door and looked out the glass. She could barely see his face reflected in the glass and the look of serious concentration and his own words only served to remind her how much he had kept from her. "I could train by the house, but sometimes I get carried away and I would never forgive myself if I hurt either you or Gohan."
"You could get a job, Goku. Support this famil-"
"Why? I would spend the same amount of time at some daily job that I do outside training and doing other things... you are still left alone. At least this way I can come home anytime when I sense that something is wrong... At least this way I can train to protect you and Gohan." He propped his forearm on the door and leaned forward, muttering so softly that she almost didn't hear it, "It's the only thing I have to offer..."
Seeing his sad, defeated body language, a wave of guilt washed over her. She hastily pushed it away. Why should she be guilty? He was the one who hurt her. Rage flickered in her eyes. There was no way she was going to let him turn this around on her... no way! She stood and put her hands on her hips. He had another thing coming if he thought he could simply come in here, turn it all on her and everything would be forgiven.
"A woman needs more than just protection." She ignored the flash of pain she saw in the reflection of his dark gaze and continued on, turning to give him her back again. "And if you think that is the only important thing then I shouldn't have married you, Goku Son."
She was startled then by his reply, his voice sounded like the normal cheerful Goku she knew, but there was an underlying current and the words themselves that told her a far different thing. "I love you, ChiChi. If that and what I have is not enough for you than I understand if you wish to leave... and I'm sorry."
Oh she had messed up... horribly messed up. ChiChi couldn't keep her eyes from watering as she stirred the batter. When his words and their meaning had sunk in a minute later and she turned around to take back what she said she only found an empty room. The balcony door she didn't even hear being opened stood ajar, letting a soft breeze into the bed room. He had been himself while trying to make amends with her. He had shown his concern, his fear and wealth of insight she never expected he had. And the whole time she couldn't help but want that carefree, nothing-is-a-big-deal man back. She wanted him to brush it off and make her feel like nothing was wrong, but he didn't. Because of that she reacted negatively to him and took his opening up to her and being himself and threw it back into his face. But even so... she never expected him to just give up and run like that. The Goku she knew was always pestering, making her tell him what was wrong before shrugging it all off. She had once thought it was his way of showing that he cared, but that her issue wasn't that big of deal in the scheme of things...
He left. Why? She just couldn't get over that. The Goku she knew didn't give up. But he isn't just that man is he? There was more to him. After spending all night thinking, recalling all he said and what Bunny had been trying to get her to say. She realized that she had been ignoring all the little things. Bunny was right; Goku was a man of action. That was why he leaving had such a profound effect on her. Yes, his words had first made her turn, but she wasn't sure they would have given the kick she needed to see things clearly. To step back and re-examine everything without that little voice holding her back. Goku acted like nothing troubled him, that he was undefeatable when in truth he wasn't trying to show anyone else his fears of failing. Bulma was right. He was scared to take complete control of the group and lead, only to fail everyone.
ChiChi suspected that Mrs. Briefs knew Goku hadn't been in her room at all last night, no doubt waking up to find him on the couch. She was the one who told Bulma that Goku was already up and went for a walk, the raven-haired woman had been standing right there. Part of ChiChi wanted to stay angry at him, make him suffer. But she couldn't ignore that he had actually opened up to her and she had hurt him, doing one of the things that had probably kept him from being himself in the first place. Yes, Goku had hurt her, but as the saying goes 'two wrongs don't make a right' and now she found herself in the position he was yesterday. She needed to apologize. It wasn't so much as a problem with how -unlike her husband she knew how to overcome such issues and talk to others openly. It was more of a problem of courage. Actually getting herself to walk out of the house, find this damn enclosure, and say she was sorry. Knowing and doing were two totally different things... Perhaps that was what made them so different. She knew but had issues doing what she knew and he didn't know, but would gladly do it if he did know...
Bardock only partly listened to the eldest Briefs woman, curious about anything that had to do with Bulma, but he was overall more worried about his son and his prince to really pay her much attention. As far as he gathered, Goku never woke up this early and for him to be anywhere but the kitchen before breakfast was a huge thing. It took a lot the past few mornings to get his son to train a little before eating... Then there was Vegeta. Bardock didn't have much of a handle on the sensing of ki yet, but closing his eyes he could feel the boy's and something didn't feel right about it. But he didn't want to trouble him right then... No doubt he needed his space after a rough night of nightmares. He also wasn't sure what he should say. Things were always more complicated when it came to the prince and one wrong word could set him off.
I'll talk to him later tonight, after things have settled down. It seemed like the best thing to do. Give him time to calm down and settle his own thoughts out.
Of course he wouldn't have made that decision if he had known Vegeta was suffering from a fever. If he had known he would have most certainly checked on him and kept a better eye on him. But he didn't and thus the day's events continued on its plotted course, one that he wouldn't find so agreeable at the end of the day...
.~-~.
"Um... Miss Briefs..."
"Hmm, yes?" She shifted her crystal gaze left to John Storten, the head of the micro-tech division. He was not the most handsome of men, brown hair that was balding at the front, thick glasses and a rather large pot belly, but his genius was right up there with hers and her father's, and she would be the first to admit that his out-of-the-box thinking rivaled her own.
"What responsibilities do we have as far as the Expo is concerned? The old board helped you with that, right?"
Beth stepped up from a seat behind Bulma and before her boss could ask, the old folders were taken and new ones were set in their place. The heiress gave her secretary a smile. "Thank you, Beth. Actually, John, only a few decided to give me much of any input this year as to how to make it better and more memorable, so I came up with everything with my mother. With the way it's set up if any of you want to personalize your division's showcase then feel free to do so, but other than that all you have to do is attend and unfortunately gab with the upper-class snobs- er, I mean our always loveable supporters."
There was a small chuckle amongst them. There wasn't much love lost when it came to the rich stuck-up pricks that helped fund them, but they knew there was no getting around it if they wanted to get anything done.
She sighed, "I'm glad you asked, though, because I need all of you to present to this board the main ptojects you wish to show on the main stage after lunch. We sadly only have..." She flipped through the pages until she came to the number she needed. "...four slots this year because all the other companies felt we were monopolizing the main showcase stage and complained to the G.E.R."
Bulma frowned as she looked down at the stack of complaints. Last year they only showed six, just one more than everyone else and they all get a stick up their asses. Why shouldn't Capsule Corp get an extra slot? We are the ones who put out all the money for this shindig. But she knew she had to keep the other companies happy. Without competitors and a stable market all of them would crumble... The letter she received from the Global Economic Regulators was more of a gesture to appease the other companies. She didn't have to do anything she didn't want to do or feel was important. The G.E.R. couldn't do anything to her; she practically owned them. In a way it was more one of her set-ups to warn her when things were getting too unstable. In reality, it was one of many lynchpins she could pull if another company dared to threaten her family's company... or worse if the Western States decided they wanted to own it as a public property (something they had threatened to do more often than not in the past few years).
No one knew that she simply had to press the button and the whole world's economic structure, not just the Western States, would fall down around them and they would all have to rely on Capsule Corporation and her family to restore the balance. At a young age she painfully came to recognize how unprotected her father and his company were and had taken it upon herself to guard it. Sure, maybe once or twice she thought about pulling all the pins just so she could rule the world... come on who didn't? They all would love her or she would make them not know better than to love her. It was a fairly easy thing to do when she could make everyone else look like the bad guys. Blame their suffering on their governments... But that was far too much work. If she did that the whole world and the lives therein would be her responsibility. That was a lot of pressure to take on. Frankly, all she wanted to do was invent things... and then there was this other dream she hadn't told anyone of...
The board members glanced at each other surprised as Bulma's thoughts ran on. A middle-aged woman with red hair and freckles no amount of make-up could ever hide finally spoke up, saying what they were all thinking. "How are we going to be unbiased? We all want our projects to be on the main stage. Isn't that a conflict of interest?"
"It is, but I also have a project I wish to present, and while I think mine is the best damn thing since the re-invention of ice cream I will force myself to be logical and put this company first... I expect you all to do the same." She smiled a little. "That, and my father will be the final judge with my mother and maybe a special guest. I have yet to tell my father this, but I think you will all agree that this should ultimately suffice."
They all nodded in agreement, all of them also wondering who this special guest was but keeping their questions to themselves. "Now... here is what we are looking at as far as set up is concerned." She passed a small stack of papers to her right and let it go around the table. "If you want to change anything just shoot me an e-mail or a call and it will be done... unless of course, there is some issue with it. But you all know the rules the Expo is under so that shouldn't be a problem." She gave them a few minutes to look at it while she straightened the last folder, but when all of them seemed to have no questions, she sighed and stood up. "If none of you have any questions then I have to go... oh, if any of you wish to watch, there will be practice runs for performers and the set up starting three days from now at 7PM on the main floors and on my family's property, feel free to join us. With that said have a good day, ladies... gentlemen, and congratulations on the promotion. I will see you after lunch."
With their goodbyes at her back she quickly exited the room, Beth close on her heels. If you looked at her just then you would have never guessed that she was functioning on no sleep. After talking to her mother last night she went to her lab, looked at the equation she had given Vegeta, and went to work. All night she had worked on it, excitement the only fuel she needed to keep her going. She had gotten not just the presentation for it done, but a skeletal model that the board could hold and do some functions on. Then she planned the new board members out, among other work related things and she had also checked on Vegeta every so often throughout the night. All-in-all a very good, productive night.
Opening the door to her office, she entered with a weary sigh, finally feeling the fatigue. Hopping from foot to foot she took her heels off and carelessly dropped them next to the door before going to her desk and plopping down into her chair. "Shall I get you a coffee, Bulma?" Beth asked, smiling a little as she looked at the shoes and kicked them over farther so anyone else coming in wouldn't see them behind the door.
"That would be wonderful, Beth. You take too good care of me." Bulma smiled back, noticing what she had done.
"It is what you pay me for... I'll be back soon with your coffee after I put these folders away." Beth juggled the folders a little as she mentioned them before turning back to the open door.
"Of course..." Bulma muttered grabbing a pen from her desk and leaned back in her chair, starting to balance the pen on her upper lip as the door closed behind the brown-haired woman.
Her thoughts drifted to a certain Saiyan prince not long after her secretary left. She was worried. While the IV fluids kept the fever from going higher and lowered them slightly, it wasn't enough. All night long he had been burning up from it and it had given awful nightmares. She felt so bad for him, but there was nothing she could do. Waking him up was suicide and she didn't know if she should give him any pills, not with his blood thing being the main cause of it. And she doubted it was going to be any better now that he was up and moving without the fluids. He didn't even eat breakfast...
She knew it was irrational. Her being this concerned for him, especially given he had tried to use her yesterday. She should be furious, ignoring him or finding some way to get back at him. Instead she was fawning over him like some kind of mother-hen. What had gotten into her? How had this arrogant, rough, and unsympathetic prince gotten her to worry so much about him? Obviously it had something to do with having to care for him that first whole week and then still checking on him... and then all that had happened since he woke up.
The pen fell from her lip and clattered to the floor. She lazily looked at it before sitting back up and forgot about it completely as she looked out the spacious window of her office. "Vegeta... I hope you're okay." Beth opened the door suddenly, walking in with Bulma's coffee and startled the heiress, making her cry out. "Oh shit..."
"Sorry..." The brown-haired woman winced.
"No, no I was just spacing it." Bulma waved one of her hands, the other over her heart. With the small fright it re-jogged her mind, making her remember all she still had to do. "Damn, I need to call my dad. Let him in on my plan and make sure it is okay for him and mother..."
Beth set down the coffee on the desk and smiled a little at her boss as the blue-haired woman dialed up her parents. She chuckled to herself, still smiling as she went to the door listening to Bulma chat away with her mother. She really did like her boss, even if she was overbearing at times and a perfectionist. The heiress treated her well and the pay wasn't that bad... who was she kidding, the pay was amazing and she always got the latest, coolest technology. Not to mention all the trips she had gotten to go on because of this job... If she had to describe her dream job, this would no doubt be it.
As the brown-haired woman closed the door behind her, she wondered who this special guest Bulma had mentioned to the new board was. She blushed a little thinking about one of them in particular, but quickly brushed it off. No use speculating when she would find out in a few hours anyway.
.~-~.
He gritted his teeth as he shifted, stabbing pains going down his back and through his whole body. There was no other way to put it other than bluntly, Vegeta felt like shit. He knew this pain all too well the last five years. This pain, the deep aching pain that never went away; it was the worst type of pain (well other than when his whole body got hijacked, but he was trying really hard not to think about that). Most wouldn't know the persistent pain was the worst because they never had the chance to feel the difference. At the moment of torture and if the person didn't get healed were two totally different pains. The former was a quick hot zap that startled the system. After a while one could learn to ignore this reaction to this zap, become numb to it. But one could only ignore so much of the constant dull waves of the latter, excruciating waves that coursed through the body before it became too much to handle. Why was it so different? Was it because it remained forever there in the conscious of your mind, throbbing like a shaken up beehive? Not just a single repeated zap but one that endured for hours and hours?
Shaking his head, he tried to rid himself of the thoughts on pain. It shouldn't matter. He would live through it and carry on like he always did. Nothing would break him. He kept telling himself this only to focus right on the pain again. In a way he needed it. It was the one thing that kept his rational side in control. If he truly gave himself into the numb state, that would require him to let go completely and he simply couldn't do that. Not with the fever. But then why was he outside? He should have barred himself in his room... but then Bardock would have known. He didn't want that. Everything would be fine if no one bothered him, and so far it seemed everyone had gotten that memo.
He let his eyes close again, exhausted, only to jerk himself awake. No, he wouldn't let himself sleep. He could not, would not sleep. If this hell humans believed in existed, his nightmares were tenfold worse and he didn't want to repeat the little joy-ride he taken through his own personal hell last night anytime soon.
He found himself questioning multiple times whether he was doing the right thing, keeping Bardock unknowing about his fever like this. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He hated appearing weak, even to the old fool. After the spar with the clown the other night, everyone was astounded by his fighting proficiency (replacing the feeble weak one he loathed so much) and he didn't want that to be overshadowed by alerting to anyone else that the spar had caused him more damage than he had let onto. Even so... he couldn't shake this subtle feeling that he was really messing up; that he was letting his pride get the better of him and putting everyone, including himself in jeopardy. Every time this came up, he of course, swiftly pushed it down, but no matter how much he tried to rid himself of it, it just wouldn't leave him...
~~~~.~-~.~~~~
Beta'd by LPphreek.
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